Musings

What will I be when I grow up? Like all children, I used wonder about this, daydream in class, dream about it at night. And sometimes, just let my thoughts wander, as I wondered.

I am no more a child, nor someone on the verge of adulthood. I am now a man, and have been, for a few years. I have, you could say, grown up! And still, everyday, I ponder upon this question; What will I be?

Just when life brings me to a destination, I realise it is no more than another crossroads, with possiblities both obscure and obvious. It almost feels like I'm trying to predict a future that simply does not exist until it becomes the present.

I have wondered why this is. Why do I still seek? What is it that I seek? What am I waiting for? I do not see this as a problem to solve, but a question to which I seek an answer. What is the difference? Simply this; it does not bother me that I have not found the answer yet. Nor do I think it will upset me if I do not find it at all. I don't need the solution. I do not crave the answer. It will come to me. Until then, I cannot stop waiting.

Does the answer lie in what I am today? It is possible. For isn't all of time one single, seamless, thread? The tree of history is the seed of the future. No matter where I am, I am in som sense, at the beginning. So let me begin...

Today, I am an observer.

I act with the confidence of twenty five years of conditioning. I react with the slow sureness of a thinking intellect; an intellect capable of lofty surrealty and perverse logic in equal meaure.

I create new ideas from those that already exist. I create because I a drawn to new ideas. They allow me to delve into the waters of infinite possibilities - the answers to my question - and swim through them, looking for nothing, but finding what I like, liking what I find, at that moment.

I believe in concepts that take me beyond logic - I weild my destiny. I am, but a leaf, drifting in the winds of destiny. I am destiny, and I am the leaf. There is a purpose to life. To grow beyond a purpose,is life.

In all these I believe, without contradiction. Because deep down, they make sense to me. I cannot explain them, but I know them, like I would know the depth of the ocean while standing upon its shores. I cannot tell you how deep it is, but I 'know' it.

But above all, I am an observer. For I believe this is not part of my conditioning. Remove all my layers, one after another, and in the nothingness of my being, there will be a witness, whose purpose is neither to record, nor judge, but to simply see.

That is what I am today. Have I always been so? I do not know. Does a child remember the first time it spoke? Does the infant recall its first words? What is the first moment of sleep, the last instant of the waking?

The dawn of a new day nulls the existence of the night. I do not know what I was before, or even if there was a 'before'. I have always been an observer. A witness to myself. A lone pebble under the swirling stars.

And this, is the sum of my being.

Touch

And I said to the stars
'Hush! twinkle not so loud
For it is time for the dew to bloom
Upon the flower's honey'd lips'

So the stars sprinkled their glow
Upon the softened sleeping night
And fell into my dreams
To sing their song, clear and bright

Many a night have I seen
Still, the silence beckons me close
For in it I found true wonder
And peace without repose...

Upon the sands one night I slept
And the tides of my hearts arose
To meet the sea as the starlight wept
And to kiss the wind as it rose

And as the wave nibbled at my feet
And the wind brushed my hair
I felt a void, a choking loneliness
That laid my soul bare

'Why', I asked my feathered kin
My brother of freedom and flight
'Do I sense the weight of the quiet
And the awnings of the night?'

'I am free', said the wind
'In lightless caves and rustling trees
In unfettered gales and mellow breeze
From breath to sky, I move with ease'

And so I asked my friend
Nature's heart that beat silent
'Why do I feel like a shell
Like an empty echo's haunt?'

'I am forever', said the sea
'In my womb I carry life
In my swell I bear mysery
And upon my waves, eternity'

My query burned unanswered
Through all that was quiet within
'Pon the sands that night I slept
Bereft of friend or kin

In vain I looked to my empty self
My wanderings came to naught
I was doomed to live alone, but not free
For I knew not what I sought

Neither end did I see to this dark within
Nor merciful respite
But the lamp of hope glowed softly on
Against doubt's tiresome spite

One night, when the starlit sky shone bright
And all was dark within
Your footsteps murmured on the sand
Like ether's pulse awakened

With every step you routed distance
Until nearness was all I knew
And then you knelt by my side
To give me life anew

All it took was a touch
To set free my ragged soul
All it took was a smile
To make my being whole

The sea was now within me
And in my breath, the breeze
Space was a drop within my soul
In my silence, time would freeze

All it took was a touch and a smile
To find you within me
As you walked into the night, I knew
You were all that I would see



'Tis love that whispers silent tunes
That cross the seas and sylphlike dunes
'Tis love that weaves unspoken words
Into vibrant dreams and mellow hues

'Tis for love alone that the twain do meet
The raging heart and the soul aflow
'Tis love that pines then soars with joy
Like a burning fire aglow

Bittersweet Fare

My eyes fill shut with stray memories
And sleep slips out like a tear
Your laughter dances like moonlit dust
Around my carven ears

I feel no weight on my outstretch'd arm
Nor the softness of your cheek
My breath trips out haltingly
In search of the lips it seeks

Dreams! Ah Dreams! They prance about
In sounds and song and hues
But there is no sleep in the silent keep
Save the whispers of patient eyes

While I am here, and you yearn there
I shall live out this bittersweet fare
And to pass the night of every day
I shall lie and wait it away

Lover's Bloom

To what can I, your beauty compare
For even if it be my duty, do I dare
Talk of dawn's glory and it's riotous rays
And give verse to each color, a word to each shade...

Morrow's dawn shall be beauty begun
And my rhyme would be spent, with not a letter
to spare...

And yet, I paint my words anew
To cup a facet, to draught a hue
For 'tis true, I am a lover contraire
I brought home the prize, 'fore leaving to the fair

Of all things beautiful, and worth a seaman's song
I liken you to a flower, o'er the bed of night
For even as you sleep does your beauty come awake
Like the colors of dusk over a mountain lake

Snowlike petals taste moonshine's kiss
And the fragrance scents the quiet
A drop of the nighttime's drink lingers
On your lips like the dew of the morn

Forever is it's beauty, not a fleeting dream
Though this night be it's first and last
For it wears such white, it colours the night
With hope of a golden dawn

So too are you eternally
beautiful to mine eyes
Though time may carve new facets
And life, new masks apply

A son’s Lullaby

Sleep, little star who birthed the skies
And filled it with the blush of dawn
Sleep like sweetness in a dreaming bud
Afloat within the stillness of the eyes

Sleep little bird that birthed flight
And flew twinkling dreams into the night
Sleep like the bough in the shade of the moon
As the wind breathes dark and lonesome tunes

Sleep little stream, who birthed the sea
And kissed it with drops of mystery
Sleep little pearl in the ocean’s womb
As the blue-white waves live your fantasies

Sleep dear mother, who birthed two sons
And was born anew at the break of day
Sleep like your sons slept in your womb
As you hummed an ancient songless tune

Something About Something

Bear with me for a while. This is just a ramble. A bunch of thoughts that are better off out of the way of more to come.

There is no literary value to this piece, and there is a higher probabilty you will not enjoy reading it. Read on if you're still curious. Or skip it now.

Language has...No. I meant speech is....No. That's not what I was saying either....

...What's the word for it? you know, those things you use to make another person see the world the way you do?

Ah! I have it. Words.

Words. I have always been intrigued by words. I don't think I will ever understand how to use them the way others usually do.

I know, I know, everyone has their own way of using words. But there's this general fear or respect or love towards these things, whenever they're used. All I can feel, is incredulity.

You see, I don't understand how words work. At least, they don't work that way with me, so I'm not sure. The same words that were offensive at one time are used in completely normal parlance now. And I wondered both at the feeling of offense and at the normalcy they have gained over time.

But the strangest thing about words? The more words I know, the more sparingly I can use them.

I find that to everything I am about to say, every opinion I construct in my mind with the words I have, has a counter opinion, an opposite viewpoint.

What I think is wrong is somehow right to a different set of eyes, or in a larger perspective. I think words have no absolutes. Try 'giving' words to something absolute, and it stops being so.

Throw a statement at yourself that you think is impossible to refute. And very soon, you will argue with yourself, and refute it.
Now here's an absolute statement : Maybe.

No matter how much you know. You will only know something about something.

Forgive My Lips

I was strolling through my thoughts,
They were a sunny, cobbled place
Where impish ideas fluttered by
And a smile shone on my face

My eyes, like a beloved's day dream
Were mellow, moist and in a snooze
When they tripped upon your lips
And awoke from dream to a dream

And into that cobbled place
That was sunny and yellow and neat
They let in the colors of dusk
The blush of embers and wine replete

And as I strolled through thoughts
All bashful in embrace
I stepped suddenly into waters
Of surprise - a vision, a grace!

...Forgive my lips, they find joy
In the most unusual places
I was outed from my thoughts
And lost memory of familiar faces

The taste of sweet innocence
And the mint of tingles unveiled
Mingled with the spice of secrets
Hesitantly revealed...

Forgive my lips, they find joy
In the most unusual places
In lips like red, velvet skies
Like wine in hidden cases